Nonexistent
by ALovelyLie
Summary: Ulquiorra, The Cuatro Espada; cold, cruel, and heartless. It is clear he is incapable of feeling anything remotely similar to human emotions... Or is that not true? Another Espada turns Ulquiorra's world upside-down, as he discovers a new emotion... Love
1. Just the Beginning

Left hand in left pocket, right hand in right pocket; Ulquiorra Schiffer's signature pose. He walked down the marble-white hallway of the castle of Las Noches in this manner, his indifferent gaze cast straight ahead. He did not acknowledge the others in the hallway. What would be the point? They would still be there either way. Their lives would be no different if he looked at them. What did they matter to him?

There was one individual however, who did matter. Just thinking of him, Ulquiorra felt something inside of him give a jolt. Any person would have said 'their heart' was the cause, but Ulquiorra wasn't exactly your typical person. What was it then, which caused him to feel like this? Was it his cascading chestnut hair, with occasional strands falling in front of his deep grey eyes? The way he composed himself around others maybe; Completely casual, but always an air of authority around his very being. Everything about him was perfect, and Ulquiorra longed for him in a way he didn't even understand. What was it that he was feeling? Love? Lust? There was no way to describe it, if his eyes could not see it. If he could not see it, in which case he could not describe, did this feeling actually exist? What his eyes could not see simply was _nonexistent_. Or was that not true?

Ulquiorra shook of f the thought as best as he could, opening his mind for another subject to think of. That woman. Inoue Orihime, current prisoner of Las Noches. Well, she was certainly an interesting subject. She was a human, which automatically labeled her as trash.

But she was not in any way trash. Her abilities had shown him otherwise. The rejection of events, as Aizen-sama had put it. The very power to trample over God's playing field. Or was that a lie as well?

Ulquiorra stopped in front of a section of the white marble wall. There were no cracks, blemishes, or markings to indicate that there was anything there besides wall.

He reached out his right hand to the wall, his fingers touching the smooth surface in a complex pattern. Every time his fingers made contact with the marble-like substance, a soft green light would emit from his fingertips.

Finishing, Ulquiorra placed his right arm back in his pocket and watched the changes take place. A door-shaped section of the wall now glowed a light, greenish-tint. A second later, that portion of wall began to fade away, revealing the room that lay beyond.

It was a big room, yet it was minimally decorated. A sofa lay to the left side of the room, and a simple carpet was set on the floor. The walls were bare, except for a window that was set up high enough off the ground that a person wouldn't be able to reach it. It was barred by three black poles, but that didn't ruin the scenery that lay beyond.

Standing on the center of the carpet was the woman. She was looking up at the casement, staring once more at the ever present crescent moon that could be seen beyond.

Not-surprisingly, she hadn't realized that he had entered the room yet. This human may not be trash, but that didn't change her trash-like senses.

He appraised her over, although he only had a back-view of her. She was standing on the center of the carpet, looking up at the window and at the view beyond.

The woman was wearing the clothes he had given her earlier that day, Ulquiorra noted with satisfaction. The clothes stayed consistent with the typical Espada style: White, flowing limbs, and black lines. She also wore the black stockings and white sandals that went along with the outfit. A long white cape flowed behind her, fluttering about from the breeze that the window offered.

"This is quite unpredicted," Ulquiorra mused. "You look quite flattering," he commented. His mind drifted to somebody else…

"Wahhh!" Inoe shouted in pure surprise, turning around as she did so. "H-how long have you been standing there!?" she asked. His mind snapped back to reality. There was a reason why he was here.

"I just got here," He paused. "Don't whine over such trivial things. It's annoying," he told her.

Ulquiorra took a step forward, the comical atmosphere gone in a flash. "I have an announcement." Another pause. "Your allies have broken into Hueco Mundo."

A look of worry spread across her face. "…Why?..."

What a foolishly unnecessary question. It was evident what the answer was, any idiot could figure that out if they'd seen the relationship this woman had with her friends. But of course, she was a human. She needed to hear the answer herself.

" 'Why?', you ask?" Ulquiorra began. "In order to rescue you. They have no other reason to be here."

The same worried look was on his face. "…They came… To rescue me…" she stated, mostly to herself. Now what was the point of that? Ulquiorra had just established that fact. Had he made it unclear to her somehow? Impossible. He had been straightforward and just flat out blunt about it. Humans.

Ulquiorra inwardly sighed, cursing the stupidity of the human race. "Indeed. But for you, that should no longer hold any meaning. For in both body and mind, you are already our comrade." She was no completely facing him, her hand was held up to her chest, her fingers closed in a fist. "That's what your wearing those clothes mean." He stared her dead in the eye. "Inoue Orihime."

Inoue hung her head down, a defeated gesture. "… Yes sir," she said, her voice just above a whisper.

"… Say it," Ulquiorra commanded. She knew what he referred to. "For just what purpose, do your mind and body exist?"

Defeat was evident in her eyes; It made itself painfully obvious.

Her voice was barely audible this time. "… Yes sir. They exist for Aizen-sama and his will."


	2. An Encounter

It was so sudden. They started just out of the blue and couldn't restrain themselves. It could have been pre-invasion nerves, but how could that be? Both were Espada, whether they liked it or not, they never had anything as utterly common as nerves. The green-eyed Espada just scoffed inwardly at the thought.

It began as an innocent kiss, chaste and light. A brush of skin against skin. It sent a jolt down both their spines, the smaller male shivered slightly, leaning against a toned chest. A simple press of lips left him breathless, how pathetic; but why did it feel so right? The smaller male hated the feeling of confusion, it went against his very being.

Before he could ponder anymore a pair of cool lips crashed back in an almost frenzied manner. He couldn't help it, he responded to the kiss, he felt the taller man smirk into the kiss before grasping his hip in a deliciously painful manner. Gasping, he threw his around broad shoulders, mouth ravaged in a violently erotic way. Large, lukewarm hands trailed lightly down his sides, inciting more delightful shivers.

The raven haired male bit back a groan when those sinfully skilled hands snuck under his flowing top. Gone were the feather light touches; they became harsh and punishing grips and tweaks on hard nipples. Soft mewling tumbled past pale lips unrestrained, the taller man growled, unusual unlike his unusual lax and laidback self. He peppered scratchy kisses on the delectable ivory skin, bared in a sign of submissiveness.

At this gesture, clothes went flying, an animalistic urge in the dominant demanded satisfaction and soon. The seemingly lazy male eyed his prize approvingly, and attacked the alabaster chest, leaving many love bites in his wake. Soft pale hands grasped at his locks, pulling him closer and practically melding into the larger body. Pale green eyes glared at his clothing as if willing them away, the Espada above him chuckled lowly, teasingly, slowly stripping, just to see the normally emotionless male squirm with need.

Just when the green eyed Espada was sure he would explode from pure want, hands and lips went back to their previous exploration. A hot mouth took a dusty nipple, biting down and tugging back, driving him crazy. The taller male promptly picked up the smaller and placed him on his lap, pale legs straddling a toned waist. The sensation of erection against erection made both harden almost to the point of it being painful.

Paper white insisting hands tugged on the mane of hair, screams muffled by the other's lips on his again. Large hands trailed down smooth hips, stopping at its main destination, grabbing at white globs and kneading them sensually. His head fell back with a surprised gasp, practically grinding his teeth to silence wanton moans.

When probing fingers ground a puckered entrance and dug in sharply, a scream rang practically through the entire Hueco Mundo. A mass of unusually mussed raven locks lay on a lax shoulder, moaning and whimpering shamelessly. Three fingers joined along and the submissive fell into a painfully pleasurable daze. Call him a masochist, but pain and pure lusty pleasure always mixed in well. He swore nothing could top the amazing feeling he was experiencing but when the silky head of an erection brushed along his tight entrance, he was mistaken.

Ulquiorra woke from his dream with a gasp, bolting upright as he did so. Sweat covered his pallid skin in a fine sheen, and he was slightly out of breath. In a flash he looked to his side, almost surprised that there wasn't a male body under the sheets with him. What Ulquiorra found even more surprising was that he was quite disappointed that he was alone in bed. With a deep sigh, he leaned forward and placed his head in his hands, holding it there in place. He had to think.

Now this was not right, not in the slightest bit. Ulquiorra's first dream in his entire life, and it was a sex dream. A freaking sex dream with two naked males and whole loads of tongue and… Well, you know the rest.

Forcing himself to move, Ulquiorra slowly climbed out of bed, every movement deliberate and paced. His room was quite bare, to say it simply. A bed with white sheets against the wall, a dresser made out of the common marble-like mineral where his clothes were kept, and a door-shaped hole in the wall that led to his bathroom was all that his room contained.

He walked into his bathroom, longing for the refreshing feel of water cleansing his body. As soon as he was done, he dressed in his everyday attire and left his room.

Ulquiorra walked down the endless corridors of Las Noches, his mind a whirl and blur of questions that he couldn't find answers for.

Love. Lust. Want. Simple frivolous human emotions that distract from one's true mission.

Well, that's what Ulquiorra wanted to believe.

Truly, what was this concept called love?

If somebody were to show him love, what would he see? Would he be able to hold it in his hands and keep it close? Or would he be overwhelmed by feelings for this person?

Whatever this emotion was, Ulquiorra was definitely feeling something.

And just then, he appeared. Almost as if Ulquiorra's thoughts on him had summoned him here. Time froze, his breath stopped, all as this single man that unknowingly was turning Ulquiorra's world upside-down rounded the corner of the hallway.

Breath. Breath, you damn fool!

Ulquiorra took a breath, just hoping he didn't look too foolish right then. Wait. So he remembered his ability to breath, but what now? He was walking down the hallway, and Ulquiorra was walking down the hallway also… Saying something would seem appropriate. But what to say? Ah, crap. He's getting closer, or maybe it is him who's getting closer?

Either way, the distance between the two men was slowly closing as they continued to walk towards each other.

Finally, words were spoken.

"Jeez Ulquiorra, you're not even going to greet me? I thought you had better manners than that," a gruff voice asked, slightly amused.

The slightest, practically imperceptible look of worry crossed Ulquiorra's face. It would have gone unnoticed but anybody else, but nothing escaped the Primera's gaze.

"Good morning, Starrk. However, why should it be me who greets the other first?" Ulquiorra mused, trying to cover up for his lack of speech earlier.

" 'Cause I'm the Primera, and I'm a higher rank than you. So you respect me by greeting me first. I thought that was simple enough," Starrk explained, scratching his head lazily. By this time, they had both stopped walking, and where now facing each other, just standing a few feet apart.

Ulquiorra took a pause before answering. "Fine, whatever. I've already greeted you, can we move on already?"

"Well, you're the one who asked the question," Starrk fired back, using a constant lazy tone.

Another pause from Ulquiorra. "Ok, fine. Moving on, anything from Aizen-sama? News of the ryoka?" he asked. Aizen-sama was constantly common ground between all of the Espada, a topic that could always continue a conversation. If all of the Espada had to have something in common, it was their loyalty to their utmost leader.

Starrk shook his head. "Just the last orders he gave us are still in effect: To behave normally and wait for the enemy to come to us."

Ulquiorra nodded, grasping for a topic to talk about out. He almost cried out when Starrk suddenly turned around and took a step to leave. 'No! You can't leave, I still wish to talk with you!' Ulquiorra mentally screamed.

"Hey, Ulquiorra. Come with me somewhere, ok? Good."

Wait.

Wait.

What!?


	3. OoC A note to my lovely readers

So. Two years, huh? I started this with one of my friends the summer before our freshman year, and I'm now we're both entering the summer before our junior year. I've recently decided to start writing again and I'm considering trying to finish this. My friend, who wrote the smut for this story (haha) has agreed to help me out with this if I do continue.

But how many of you actually care or more importantly, even remember this fanfic?

bPlease leave a review if you want me to continue this./b

I'm not going to bother writing more chapters if nobody actually cares. xD

Either way, I truly appreciate anybody who has bothered to read this little project of mine. Looking back now, I'm starting to feel all nostalgic about this fanfic. It's a shame I'm incredibly lazy as well.

P.S. I originally had the next three chapter planned out on a sheet of paper and it wasn't half bad either. Thing is: I lost that piece of paper. Whatever I come up with now doesn't even seem close to good what I had on that paper, but hell, if you guys want, I'll try. I do have two more years of experience under my belt now, lol.


	4. Why?

For the first time in his life, Ulquiorra found himself speechless. After a moment though, he find the words he wanted to say.

"Excuse me?"

Starrk didn't even cast a backward glance at him as he walked down the hallway, nor did he pretend that Ulquiorra didn't hear him. He paused to speak.

"You know what I said."

Ulquiorra could only watch as Starrk continued down the hallway without him. The sight of him turning a corner was what snapped him back to his senses as he used a Sonido to catch up.

"Why exactly do you require my presence?" Ulquiorra asked.

No answer.

"Will you at least tell me where we are heading?"

No answer.

Ulquiorra aimed to suppress a sigh along with the vein that suddenly throbbed in his head. Sudden clarity erased all previous doubts and second thoughts from his mind. How had it even been possible for him to have begun to develop feelings for this man? The very idea was absurd. An emotion such as love… Well, that was something reserved for humans. It was what made them so weak.

He followed the older man in silence, which suited them both just fine. It didn't take long for Ulquiorra to figure out where they were going. As big as Las Noches was, he had easily remembered every inch of the facility. And with the direction that they were currently headed, there was really only place that would make logical sense for Starrk to set as his destination.

So when Starrk stopped exactly where Ulquiorra knew he would stop, he could feel the beginnings of nervousness creeping along the edges of his mind.

And he immediately crushed it.

Starrk's fingers tapped a seemingly random code on to the surface of the wall just as Ulquiorra had done to access Inoue's room earlier. When he finished, the entryway appeared.

Ulquiorra then walked into Starrk's bedroom.

Right away Starrk headed for the bed. Meanwhile, Ulquiorra was standing solidly in the doorway, unsure if he should even bother going inside. The decision was quickly made for him.

"Make yourself at home," Starrk said flatly.

Pah, as if he would have actually denied going into Starrk's room anyway.

But where exactly was he supposed to get comfortable? The room was just as sterile as his own. The chair seemed too formal. Clearly the bed was not an option. Which left… Ulquiorra sighed as he leaned against the wall, thrusting his hands further into his pockets. Of course.

"So once again, why do I have to be here?" Not that he was complaining, of course. Just curious. Very curious.

"Because I can read you like a book, Ulquiorra."

* * *

Silence filled the room. For the second time in his life, Ulquiorra was again rendered speechless. His reply came out strangled. "W-what?"

Starrk waved a lazy hand as if just moving the words out of the way. He stretched and then rolled onto his back, hands moving to rest behind his head. His eyes closed a second later. A second after that, his breathing settled into a normal sleep pattern.

He had allowed Ulquiorra some time to recollect his thoughts, which he would do gladly. It was at that moment he realized how drastic his body language had changed. His eyes had widened, his muscles were tense, and his mouth had opened slightly in surprise. How ridiculous.

Ulquiorra closed his eyes, relaxed his body, and made sure his mouth was well shut as he mused over his thoughts. So what exactly did that mean anyway? 'I can read you like a book.' Goddamit. Of course he knew what that meant. There was a reason Starrk had been chosen to be Number One. That man's powers of observation were uncanny.

Starrk knew that Ulquiorra had wanted to talk. Simple as that.

His hands clenched at his realization, but once again Ulquiorra forced his muscles to relax. He _had_ read Ulquiorra like a book. Like a child's book, really. Well, at least now he knew that his supposedly expressionless mask was all but a window to Starrk. His stomach tightened slightly at the thought and Ulquiorra was unable to discern if that was a good or a bad thing.

It was at that moment that Starrk chose to wake up, catching Ulquiorra lost in his thoughts with his eyes closed.

"Why Ulquiorra, I didn't figure you were the napping type," Starrk observed.

Green eyes immediately snapped open. "You know I wasn't napping."

Starrk shrugged his shoulders in return.

Another pause filled the room. He didn't even realize what he saying next until the words had already left his mouth. "Why in your room of all places?"

"Where would you have wanted to go?"

Ulquiorra considered this for a moment. "The conference hall, perhaps."

It was clear that Starrk had been expecting a reply like this because he was answering as soon as the last syllable left Ulquiorra's mouth. "You're not supposed to nap in the conference hall."

"As if that would stop you," Ulquiorra said dryly.

A small grin made its way onto Starrk's face. "True."

His eyes focused immediately on that smile. A miniscule pause could be noticed before Ulquiorra replied. He would _not_ be awestruck into silence again. With a surge of willpower, he dragged his eyes to meet Starrk's blue-grey ones. As if that was any better.

"Why exactly are you doing this for me?" Ulquiorra asked, forcing the words to sound steady and solid. He thought he did a pretty good job at that, but he felt like he couldn't trust his judgement anymore. He felt as if his mind had been compromised. Either way he forced himself to focus as he watched Starrk turn the question over in his mind.

The answer Ulquiorra received threw him off guard.

"How conceited."

An eyebrow raised in confusion. "Excuse me?"

Starrk was already shaking his head slightly, eyes drifting close. "Whoever said this was for you?"

* * *

Ulquiorra could feel his defenses shattering all around him. What in the world was that supposed to mean? This was no time to show vulnerability – as if that was even in Ulquiorra's nature anyway. Instead, a film of anger began to coat layers over his mind.

He snapped back a reply. "Well if this was for you, than doesn't that just make you selfish? What the hell am I even doing here?" Now, Ulquiorra couldn't stop the furious clenching of his fists as he dug his nails into the skin of his palm. Nor could he stop his body as he took a few steps forward, fury rising as he neared the man.

Ulquiorra was well aware that his emotions were clearly escalating out of control. But he had known that he would need to vent sooner or later, and sooner had arrived first. Besides, there was no stopping him now. Never before in his life had he had to deal with so much trouble from any other person. It was this man who was causing a turmoil of feelings raging inside his body, twisting and tearing apart at his mind, and Starrk hadn't even done anything. Well, he hadn't done anything on purpose, because it was _everything_ that he did that drove Ulquiorra insane. Insane with what? The first thing that popped into his mind was a word that he crushed and then banished immediately from his thoughts.

Starrk still hadn't replied back, angering Ulquiorra even more. "What, are you incapable of hearing now? Tell me Starrk…" he paused, because saying his name just sounded so fucking _natural_ on his lips. This of course sent Ulquiorra into an even deeper rage. "_Why am I here?"_

He didn't think that anything Starrk could say could possibly stifle his fury. Then again, you think that past experiences would have shown that Ulquiorra was clearly incapable of predicting anything that Starrk would do.

So what Starrk said next just completely erased all traces of anger from his system, all in one fell swoop. All with with only four words.

"Because I was lonely."

* * *

_As you can see, I gave in. So here you go guys, chapter four! Although this is technically chapter three... Maybe I'll fix that later. Just to remind you guys, I haven't worked on this story for two years. It has also been a while since I stopped following updates on Bleach. I assure you, I still love the characters (why else would I write this), I'm just sick of the plot now. I was kind of content after [SPOILERSPOILERSPOILERSPOILER] Aizen was defeated. [ENDSPOILER]_

_Er, not sure if that is much of a spoiler now, but just in case. Either way, I don't think you should be reading this fanfic if you haven't finished the Aizen arc anyway. As such, **if you haven't finished the Aizen arc, beware of spoilers**. Speaking of which, I had originally planned for this fanfic to closely follow that arc. I was pretty torn apart after Ulquiorra died. My friend ( the person who wrote the smut in chapter two) and I - let's finally name her, which is May by the way - wore black for a day to mourn him. My favorite then switched to Starrk... and seeing that he died as well, I was pretty pissed at Kubo for a while, haha. _

_But anyway, seeing that I pretty much forgot a lot of Bleach knowledge and I can't be bothered to reread 200 chapters of the manga to catch up, I'll be winging it from now on. The only catch up I've done is rewatch the Starrk vs Shunsui fight and reread most of the Ulquiorra vs Ichigo fight, just to try and get a handle on their personalities again. Actually, as soon as I finished them, I got right to work on this chapter. I AM SO DETERMINED TO SEE THEM LIVE. _

_However, that is no guarantee. I have no idea how this story will end up. What I had in mind for this chapter as I began turned out into something completely different. _

_Also, if you haven't noticed, Ulquiorra's personality has changed greatly from the second chapter. Rereading it made me realize that when I wrote this two years ago, I did something I strongly dislike reading in fanfics now: making characters fall in love with one another with no prompt. In chapters one&two, Ulquiorra has magically fallen for Starrk for no apparent reason other than the fact that I was a rabid fangirl. Well, I'm still a rabid fangirl, but this time I plan to give some reason and depth into their relationship (not necessarily a romantic one, but their relationship as two people). Which is why I've tried to tone Ulquiorra down quite a bit. _

_And seeing as this OoC talking is becoming almost as long as the chapter, I'll end here. **Please remember that it is your reviews that motivate me to write. **On that note, I wish you all a great day and I thank you tremendously for reading my fanfic. _


	5. Collection of Thoughts

Ulquiorra lay spread out on his bed, hands connected behind his head. It took a moment for him to wonder why this position seemed so familiar: it was how Starrk was laying on his own bed just a few hours earlier. Immediately, Ulquiorra turned onto his side, berating himself for his childlike behavior.

Starrk…

What was his story? And what the hell did he mean earlier? His eyes squeezed shut, the memory reliving itself in his mind.

"_Because I was lonely."_

_ A silence filled the room again. This time it wasn't because Ulquiorra didn't know what to say. It was because he didn't know if there was anything _to_ say. But after a moment, he managed to come up with something. "So, you wanted to talk... to me?"_

_But Starrk had already closed his eyes, and this time Ulquiorra could see that he would not get a reply back._

_As he was already halfway out the door, he thought he faintly heard Starrk say something to him: "Exactly."_

He hadn't turned back after that – he just couldn't bring himself to talk to Starrk again. At least, not then. And definitely not now. Not until Ulquiorra could sort through his thoughts, and remove anything that was unneeded from his mind. After all, they were in the middle of an invasion. Even now, he could feel the faint pulse of the intruder's reiatsu all the way in the recesses of Las Noches.

Ulquiorra reaffirmed the thought in his mind. That was right - they all had orders to follow and this was certainly not the time for doubt or confusion. He would let the ryoka have their fun, but when the time arrived, he would crush them like the bugs they were.

"Oy, Ulquiorra! The fuck is your problem?" The voice, female and shrill, cut through his thoughts like a knife. In the doorway of his room was Lilynette, her eyes angry and looked ready to kill.

Cute.

Ulquiorra sighed as he sat up and adjusted himself so he was sitting on the edge of his bed. If Lilynette was here well, things couldn't be good.

"I don't know Lilynette, why don't you tell me?" he said, making sure that his voice didn't sound _too _annoyed.

For some reason, this enraged her even more. "What the fuck, Ulquiorra! Starrk refuses to get up and talk to me and when I asked him about it, he only said that you two had just finished talking. So what the fuck did you say to him, you bastard?" she all but screamed.

"What in the world makes you think it's my problem?" he said, the words sounding crueler than he had intended. "That lazy bastard sleeps all day anyway and you blame me when he doesn't feel like getting up? It's not like he does anything anyway!"

His words caused tears to begin welling up in the corner of Lilynette's eyes, although she furiously rubbed them away. "Did you know that besides me and Lord Aizen, you're the only one who Starrk respects?"

To Ulquiorra, her words felt like a knife in his chest. Really? Starrk respected him? Before he could respond, Lilynette continued.

"We've been alone for so fucking long and now that we finally have comrades that don't die just from being around us... and it's still not that easy! It's hard for him to open up! It's hard for _us!_ We may have found allies now but sometimes we want a little more than that! He just wanted somebody to talk to. How fucking hard is that for you to comprehend? Starrk saw something in you and you just completely brushed him aside you heartless bastard!"

With that said, Lilynette immediately ran from the room as her tears left a trial behind her. It was a good thing that Ulquiorra was sitting because he was absolutely stunned. Was it because that they were technically the same person that made it so easy for the both of them to leave him speechless so easily? With just a few words, both of them had easily made him doubt himself and his actions while setting his thoughts scrambling to find some order.

He couldn't deal with this right now. The surge of feeling inside him was against everything that he believed in – anything that he couldn't see with his eye was nonexistent. Simple as that.

But these two…

He shot up from his bed, needing to distract himself. Crushing that orange-haired brat seemed good.

* * *

Starrk lay in the same position as he had been since he had laid down on his bed. Unlike Ulquiorra, he was sure of what he wanted: somebody to talk to. He really wasn't the conversational type, but a few words here and there wouldn't kill anybody. Then again, he wasn't sure if Ulquiorra was the person to give him that.

Ulquiorra. The man who believed only in what his eye could see. Although Starrk had lately begun to suspect that the girl and her intruder friends were having some effect on him on that matter.

One would think that Starrk loved Lilynette. Not as a lover of course, but since they were so close, it would seem clear that of course they would love each other. This was not true. Essentially, Lilynette was Starrk and Starrk was Lilynette. Why would he love himself? That would just be conceited. To him, Lilynette was simply somebody that he could not live without. Although it was possible for her to die without Starrk dying with her, it would literally be a part of his soul dying.

But sometimes, despite his close bond with Lilynette, he wanted more. He never really was able to connect with the other Espada - although just knowing that they were there was enough to make him content – but why had he wanted to talk to Ulquiorra of all people?

Well, he wanted somebody who could understand his loneliness. Although all of the Espada were clearly strong, Starrk hadn't been even able to get close to another Hollow without watching it die. Who else could understand how that felt?

When Starrk thought about it logically, Ulquiorra clearly should not have been his choice. Loneliness didn't seem like a concept that Ulquiorra could understand. You couldn't see loneliness, although Starrk could have begged to differ.

Starrk himself had come to think of himself as loneliness in human form. He had long ago accepted the fact that he would always be alone – even with Lilynette, they were still one and the same. And even though being with Lord Aizen and the rest of the Espada eased that loneliness… It was always there. It would always be there.

But that didn't mean that Starrk wouldn't damn well try and push it as far back as he could. He would do that in his own way of course. He couldn't even begin to fathom the thought of him suddenly being all cheery and sociable. That just was not him.

He had considered trying to talk to Haribel, but he tossed that idea out. She had her Fraccion – she wouldn't understand. But even though that was the reason that Starrk told himself, he wasn't buying it.

He had wanted to talk to Ulquiorra.

Of course, that was probably shot to hell right about now. When Lilynette had raced out of his room screaming something about killing that sorry bastard, Starrk couldn't be bothered to get up and chase her. Surely Ulquiorra would just brush off whatever she said to him. Then again, Ulquiorra had been changing lately. Maybe he would really listen to what Lilynette told him.

With a sigh and a grunt, Starrk heaved himself off the bed. He knew where to go.

* * *

_A/N:_

_Oh man, you guys gotta bare with me here. I'm really trying to establish some sort of reason for their relationship so it just isn't SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX. On that note, you guys mostly likely aren't going to get a lot of smut like in chapter two, so if you're reading this expecting some action well, too bad. Then again, it depends on where these two end up going in later chapters. And don't assume I have this fanfic planned out - because I don't._

_Also note that if you guys really like this pairing, I have a few (two) UlquixStarrk drabbles on this profile as well. Go check them out, along with a few other Bleach drabbles._

_Lastly, your reviews mean the world to me. I appreciate every single one of them. _

_Toodaloo~_


	6. The Walls Come Falling

Ulquiorra was on his way to greet the Kurosaki boy when Starrk appeared in front of him. He stopped in his tracks, his face cool and expressionless. He had taken his time walking through Las Noches and he had collected himself rather well. In order to do so, he had simply chosen not to think about it. Any of it.

No Starrk. No Lilynette. And definitely no emotions. He had built mental walls around these things and had just shoved them to the side. Call it childish, but it was effective.

But at the sight of the Primera, Ulquiorra could feel those walls coming down.

Ulquiorra cleared his throat so he could have that second to clear his mind. "Yes, Starrk?"

He received no reply, but rather Ulquiorra could feel Starrk's cool gaze studying him carefully. Surprisingly, he could meet Starrk's eyes as they bore down into his own. For some reason, Ulquiorra suddenly felt like his innermost thoughts were being torn open and revealed to the last man he would ever want to see them.

_He has nothing to do with you_, Ulquiorra told himself.

"If you're not going to say anything, I'd rather not waste my time here," Ulquiorra said casually as he began walking past Starrk. That is, until Starrk deliberately took a step to block his path.

He cocked an eyebrow questioningly at Starrk. In reply, he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. So when Ulquiorra tried again to sidestep around him and was once again stopped as Starrk took a step to block him, Ulquiorra was not deterred.

"Are you going to keep doing that all day?"

Again, no answer. Just that little half shrug and for a second, Ulquiorra thought he saw a gleam of amusement cross Starrk's eyes, but it was gone the next second.

This time, Ulquiorra didn't even bother trying to go around Starrk again. One second he was in front of Starrk, the next he had used a Sonido to just get past him entirely. What he didn't expect was Starrk to get to his destination even before Ulquiorra himself had gotten there, making it so that Ulquiorra almost bumped into him when he landed from his Sonido. Starrk was literally and metaphorically, one step ahead of him.

Once again, he was reminded of why Starrk was the Primera. The damn man could already easily predict Ulquiorra's movements.

Without a second thought, Ulquiorra began using Sonido to go through the hallways and even though he was actually getting somewhere, Starrk always used his own Sonidos to end up in front of him.

It didn't take long for Ulquiorra to snap.

He stopped suddenly and of course, Starrk was right there with him. "What? What the hell do you want from me! Do you want me to say I'm sorry because I have nothing to apologize for." Ulquiorra paused, waiting for a reaction and got none. "Fine, if you're not going to move, then let's just stay here and talk meaningless blather while the intruders storm up Las Noches. It's not as if we are on orders or anything, no, of course not! But if you want to disobey Lord Aizen, then go right ahead!"

Starrk watched his angry tirade with something short of fascination. Every single little movement that Ulquiorra made screamed of anger and Starrk wondered if he was just imagining it when he thought he saw Ulquiorra's alabaster skin beginning to flush with color.

Nah, he definitely just imagined it.

Although when Starrk heard what he wanted to hear, it was hard for him to suppress the lazy grin that crept up his lips until Ulquiorra was done ranting.

But of course, when Ulquiorra saw him grinning, it didn't help his mood in the slightest. Although he managed to not shout this time, he couldn't help how annoyed he sounded. "What reason have I given you to make you smile?"

When Starrk shrugged again Ulquiorra's mouth was open immediately to unleash another tirade, but this time Starrk cut him off before he could speak. "You said you wanted to talk, so, let's talk."

This time Ulquiorra was the one without a response as he replayed what he had just said in his mind. _'Fine, if you're not going to move,_ _then let's just stay here and talk...'_

When Starrk looked at his face, he wasn't sure if Ulquiorra was in shock or disgusted. Probably both. This realization only made him grin all the wider.

Finally, Ulquiorra shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "Is this how you always get what you want?" he asked tiredly.

Starrk chuckled, clearly amused. "Over the past hundred years or so, I've learned a few things. And one of the things I learned was that acting like a kid will get you almost _anything._" A hint of annoyance suddenly crossed his face as he reminisced on how many times he's had to deal with Lilynette screaming in his face or punching him in the balls. Compared to the treatment that Starrk received on a daily basis, Ulquiorra had gotten off lucky.

It seemed that Ulquiorra understood that as well because he smiled lightly and simply said, "Lilynette?"

A tired grin appeared on Starrk's face. "You guessed it."

They continued this light conversation for quite a bit whether it was just for seconds, minutes, or hours, they didn't know - what did it really matter when you had all the time in the world? And surprisingly, they discovered that they were actually pretty comfortable with each other. The walls that Ulquiorra had built were coming down, one by one. He was reluctant at first - he would remember the reason why he had built those walls, and give Starrk monosyllabic responses. But Starrk always knew what words would break down his walls, and soon enough, Ulquiorra stopped rebuilding them.

And Starrk was extremely pleased. Here he was, discovering a side of Ulquiorra that he never showed at the meetings. Of course, Ulquiorra was such a nihilist about everything, but it was _refreshing_ as well. Seeing somebody so adamant about something… Sometimes it was frustrating, but it was respectable.

"I think that Lord Aizen putting you in charge of that girl turned out pretty well for you," Starrk mused. By now, Starrk was sitting lazily against the wall with Ulquiorra leaning against the wall across from him.

Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow, curious. "Oh, why is that? You think that trash is of any benefit to me? You know she exists for the sole purpose of serving Lord Aizen."

'_Of course he doesn't understand. And why I am not surprised? '_ Starrk thought, suppressing a grin. "Trust me Ulquiorra, you'll benefit by talking to her." He could see that doubt practically oozing from Ulquiorra. Of course he would be doubtful. What reason did he have to think a human could help him in any way possible? Although Starrk didn't see humans as trash, he didn't them as useful either. He was indifferent to what the humans did in their lives – after all, it's not as if anything they did would affect him.

But the girl, well, she was different. That much was clear.

Ulquiorra opened his mouth to speak when a particular large crash rang beneath them. It was then that both realized how much closer the intruders were getting to the core of Las Noches. Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes in annoyance. One could practically see his internal struggle between his loyalty to Lord Aizen and his urge to stay right where he was and ignore the intruders completely.

Loyalty won over. He began to turn away from Starrk, ready to Sonido. "I should go deal with that."

And instant before he left, a strong hand grasped Ulquiorra's wrist. And there was Starrk _(how the hell had he gotten up so quickly?)_, coolly staring him down with those steel blue eyes. God, his hand was so warm! And... were his eyes always that fascinating to look at? When you looked at Starrk, when you _really_ looked at him, it was if he knew so much about life and was just waiting for you to catch on. And behind that exterior… was a loneliness so intense that Ulquiorra wondered why he would even consider leaving Starrk this way.

But, wouldn't staying here be going against Lord Aizen's orders? Wouldn't that make him a _traitor_?

As if in response to Ulquiorra's thoughts, Starrk simply said, "There are eight others. They're big kids now, they can handle some Shinigami."

Of course. It wasn't as if Ulquiorra had to be the one to eliminate them.

And besides, he'd much rather stay here with this man who knew all the right words and could break through his defenses with just one look at those eyes.

But... he was bound to serve Lord Aizen. Wasn't that the reason he was here in Las Noches? Wasn't that why they were _all_ here? And what had he said to the girl just yesterday?

_'For just what purpose, do your mind and body exist?'_

_'… Yes sir. They exist for Aizen-sama and his will.'_

Although that was what the girl believed was true for her, she hadn't realized that what she had said was true for _everybody. _Himself, Starrk, the rest of the Espada, even Gin and Tousen. In whatever game that Aizen was playing, they were simply his pawns, his tools to achieve greatness - and they were all at the complete mercy of their master's will.

The hand on his wrist increased its grip ever so lightly. Starrk looked at him with a face that was almost longing now. When he spoke, Ulquiorra had to strain his ears to catch what he said, and even then he almost missed it. But he heard it alright, and in his mind it was loud and clear.

"Please?"

Again, his _eyes._

Even though Ulquiorra didn't believe in the concept of _the heart_, something in his chest was definitely breaking.

* * *

_Thank you all so much for your support. Once again, your reviews mean so much to me and some of you guys are so fucking nice, haha. _

_So, here's a shout out to StarrFirre, yume girl 91, borninthedarkness, nyanya-woof91, Dior Crystal, Lanny-Sama, ALiC.P., broken-knuckles, Unico Luna Angelo, Necromancia, rainy-lullaby, ALoversAlibi, Safuuru, xX3mo-kittehXx, and bleachfreak13. _

_Also thanks to perfectionsettling for being awesome. And writing smut that I could never write i.e. ch 2. Lawlz you hoe. _

_Reading that you guys actually like the shit I write makes me so freaking happy._

_Once again, thanks._


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